"thousands of little blue lights. tiffany's blue. valium blue."

i can't see in the dark

i can't breathe in the sea

but none of that means

what you mean to me.

for bad poetry, turn to page 65.

it's stupid to get attached to something like that. it was such a bad idea - like touching live wires or believing in magic - but it was bone crushing. earth shattering. romantic, an idea i fell for.

for naivete, turn to page 34.

who the fuck needs people, anyways.

but at the end of the day, it was just four boys i've never met and some notes i could never duplicate.



it was the light at the end of the tunnel. but the tunnel's never ending and no one knows what wattage that light could possibly be. lumps in throats turn into holes in hearts turn into bullets in heads turn into bodies in graves.

for death wishes, turn to page 108.

selfish.

they're nothing but bodies.

bury me stuffed to the brim with nostalgia. i want to crave the yesterdays in the afterlife. i want to go back to when the world didn't give a fuck ( it still doesn't, of course) and change everything. i want the world to give in, give up, sit back, grow up, and die young.

i am the unknown, even to myself. an encyclopedia with nothing on the pages. the inside cover says "you never lived up to your potential, you know".

for loneliness, turn to page 29.

if you love me, you'll pick up that brick and crack open my skull.

or maybe just sit with me for a while?

unused, but still faded.
fake love has never been so cruel.

fuck you, it's magic.

reread some of my first songs, circa fourth grade.
utterly terrible.
(still better than your love letters...)

my biggest fear was failure. i can't give a fuck about death, or spiders, or tight spaces.
(like the inside of your skull...)

i just didn't want to live uneventfully.
i guess i'm still like that, sort of.
except more like an attention whore than anything else.
(flashflashflash...)

Halloween is here. a wise man once drew a comparison between me and a jack o' lantern.
"obnoxious exterior, with a fire in your belly that burns for nothing but the attention of others."
(i should have took the hint when he told me orange was my colour...)

go buy the new cobra CD. listen to "the world has its' shine." with love, from me.

XO.

not the other way around.

27 pages of memorable fucking speech and i'm at a loss for words.

the fourth moon of pluto. the eleventh commandment. the cat's tenth life.
we all know the city's past gone but we can't help but wonder if something good's gonna happen.

(it won't.)

busy best friends, callous ex-friends, tying loose ends.

few things make me smile. i am hollow.

congratulate me.