bottled blues

when i die, make sure my eulogy doesn't turn me into a hero. don't tell the world it's a tragedy. don't cry at my funeral or show my face on the 6 o'clock news. i'm no princess di and it's a scam to think i'll ever even come close. no one ever will.

when i die, i need you to make them hate me. make children dance on my grave. make the world's last dying breath whisper "thank god i wasn't her". paint me a murderer, a harbinger of doom and hatred and oppression - draw me in black and white.

isn't it funny how people change when they're at gunpoint? i'm the coward that begged my often overlooked god for forgiveness as the safety snapped off. i am the shell of a person, worth measured in dollars and sense. too bad we're in the infrared.

i scam myself into thinking the opposite, and this just makes it worse.

dinosaurs are only beautiful because they're in the past. if you met a dinosaur in your backyard at three am this morning, you'd hate it. you'd hate it for waking you up and killing your plants and taking up space and just living.

prehistoric role reversal.

you only hold me up like this 'cause you don't know who i really am.

you're supposed to know yourself in your entirety at some point in your life. what do you do when you're the best liar you know? what do you do if even you believe the snake oil you're selling? what then? what do i do now?

i am nothing. you are nothing. we are nothing. they are nothing. mass is just the opposite of space. somehow, this is still nothing.

i am a[SHAM]ed.

colours are just part of humanity's collective hallucination.

a new notch in the bedpost
i didn't expect you to wait around
but she's just so young
and
arrogant

yes, i'm intolerably blind
and isolated by my own means
mutemouthed and sullen and just unpleasant in general
and maybe a bit psychotic

it's like "dating-your-brother" kind of weird
i guess is what i'm getting at
it's not you, it's me

i think i'm broken in and moulded
when it comes to my mind
but brand new and unspoken
when it comes to outside

isn't it weird that you'll never know anyone fully and completely with one hundred percent confidence? the only brain you see is your own. weird.

don't give up yet.